"Before you can get into a relationship, you
should be happy by yourself. We hear that and mistakenly thing it literally
means “you should be happy being alone”. We assume the wisdom imparted here is
to not want relationships, or even to stop looking for one. But that´s not what
this quote means at all.
Being happy by yourself means you need to
take responsibility for your own happiness. This is not just semantics. This
means recognizing the areas of your life that don´t feel fulfilled- if you
don´t feel good about yourself, you´re bored with your job or feel disconnected
from your friends and family, or aren´t happy with what you´ve accomplished.
These are all issues that only you can solve; a relationship won´t solve them
for you.
We grow up with an idealized notion of a
romantic relationship. We´re told then when we find the right person things
will be perfect. We believe that any emptiness or discontentment we feel in any
aspect of our lives will disappear once we find the right partner. But the
Jerry Maguire idea that “you complete me” just isn´t reality. You have to
complete yourself.
Yes, relationships can be amazing
distracting. In the initial phases when the sparks are flying, nothing else
seems to matter. But this is a temporaty Band Aid, because as the sparks calm
down you´ll be left with the same unresolved issues you had before the
relationship started. Even better, you could peg those problems on your
partner, or think there´s something wrong with the relationship because you
don´t feel so great (hence the advice to make yourself happy before getting
involved).
The point is, sooner or later you have to
take responsibility for your own life. Whether you´re single, or involved in
something serious, you had to take care of yourself. And while it´s easier to
blame our lack of happiness or not having someone or having someone that´s not
acting the right way, life is rarely that simple. As important as our intimate
relationship are, they will not magically fulfill you."
Amber Madison